Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 19, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don't get called that often!” FML [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
There are 110,000+ children currently in foster care, a system that the following people know all too well. Though they may have found their forever home, their stories prove that whether your family is biological or adoptive, they're going to embarrass you no matter what. [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
In this week's edition of the comment corral, stuff is going in and out of butts, FML gets meta, and CSI's Horatio Caine drops in for a quick one-liner. [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, on my way to work, I missed my bus because I forgot my wallet. I had a lot of time before the next bus so I took the opportunity to go home for coffee and a proper breakfast. Then, while getting on the next bus, I realized I forgot my wallet again. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I skipped class. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous, but it was on my bucket list so I gave it a shot. Later, I found out that the professor cancelled class within the first five minutes. Everyone who showed was given extra credit. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 18, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML [...]
Fri, Nov 17, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML [...]
Fri, Nov 17, 2017, Continue reading at the source