You're doing it wrong, dude! [...]
Fri, Nov 09, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML [...]
Fri, Nov 09, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML [...]
Fri, Nov 09, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML [...]
Fri, Nov 09, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML [...]
Fri, Nov 09, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, my girlfriend and I went hiking in the mountains. She didn't tell me that she had packed meat to cook in my bag. About two hours after we set out, a wolf attacked me but I pepper sprayed it and it ran off. After that my girlfriend looked at me and said "You didn't have to hurt the doggy." FML [...]
Thu, Nov 08, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something! [...]
Thu, Nov 08, 2018, Continue reading at the source
We can't believe we're not making this up. [...]
Thu, Nov 08, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML [...]
Thu, Nov 08, 2018, Continue reading at the source
You can run, but you can't hide... [...]
Thu, Nov 08, 2018, Continue reading at the source