Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn't even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML [...]
Sun, Jun 23, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it's pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I've been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can't respect the 5-second rule. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I've discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend's breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I'm running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn't unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, my 18-year-old son got his first tattoo. I would have loved it, if it wasn't a text on his hand with a glaring spelling mistake in it. FML [...]
Sat, Jun 22, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, my girlfriend was watching an online video by some vegan girl with a bad fringe talking about bulk buying food to stay healthy. My immediate remark was, "Bulk buy a new fringe, bitch." It went very quiet before my girlfriend replied, "That's my sister." FML [...]
Fri, Jun 21, 2019, Continue reading at the source