Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Everyone knows that kids are idiots. Talking to a kid is a bit like talking to someone who has spent the day drinking rosé. Getting them to understand that a shop isn't a playground they can take to pieces is their parents' job. But if they're ever accused of not properly parenting, shit goes down. [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
...Like us, don't worry. Just when you thought award shows were going out of style, K-pop came along and revived them. If this fact is as new to you as it is to us, there's a good that you're turning into a dorky grandma. [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML [...]
Mon, Nov 20, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Whether it's people not understanding how the world works or just people fucking their shit up, this is the place to check out idiots being idiots. No boring fluff, just funny stuff! [...]
Sun, Nov 19, 2017, Continue reading at the source
Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 19, 2017, Continue reading at the source