Don't stop believing! [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn't have running water. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I was babysitting for a friend who develops software. After the baby was asleep, I was watching anime on my iPad. Turns out he created an app that alerts his phone whenever potential adult content streams through his internet. It was just an anime, but he's convinced I was watching porn. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML [...]
Sun, Nov 11, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 10, 2018, Continue reading at the source
Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML [...]
Sat, Nov 10, 2018, Continue reading at the source
If only this could last forever... [...]
Sat, Nov 10, 2018, Continue reading at the source