So me and my crush were sitting in the backseat of his car and he wanted to lay his head on my lap. As soon as it happened my stomach gave the loudest rumble that literally vibrated against his face and I farted a little. [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today my hippy parents refused to buy me deodorant because it has “toxins”, I am 14 and smell horrible and kids were making fun of me Too about it Today. I do not have any friends. FML. [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
My best friend and I, who I've loved for years now finally hooked up. I think she gave me the clap. FML [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today I feel like I'm in two and a half men. I just watched my brother console a crying girl through using a pregnancy test over the phone, fist punch the air after it was negative, hang up the phone without saying goodbye then went back to bed where his current girlfriend was still asleep FML [...]
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today I got home from work and kissed my wife on the cheek like I have done almost everyday for the last 14 years, only this time she screamed and hit me in the face with a pan of hot water and carrots. Apparently this time I scared her and she thought I was a burglar rapist. FML [...]
Sat, Jan 19, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I yelled "fuck me, oh shit!" on instinct upon accidentally spilling boiling hot coffe all over myself. My 3 year old niece found this hilarious and won't stop saying "fuck my shit". Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML [...]
Sat, Jan 19, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Hold my beer! [...]
Sat, Jan 19, 2019, Continue reading at the source
Today, I yelled "fuck me, oh shit!" on instinct upon accidentally spilling boiling hot coffe all over myself. My 3 year old niece found this hilarious and won't stop saying "fuck my shit". Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML [...]
Sat, Jan 19, 2019, Continue reading at the source